Who did Billy Mays play for?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
