Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You took a bar mat shot.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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