i think my mom watched the whole time
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
