so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
