it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
