Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
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