she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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