just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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