So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
