i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My hand turned me down
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
