3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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