all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize