I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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