If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
