these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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