it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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