put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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