i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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