Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
