Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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