I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
