apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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