woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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