i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dignity is for republicans.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
