You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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