i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My ass is underappreciated
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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