im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize