I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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