Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
