While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
