so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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