I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
