hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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