I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
