i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
