I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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