My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
