I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
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