I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I deserve this hangover.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
