I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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