I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
