I just threw up on my dentist
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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