Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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