dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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