Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
