Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
