My sheets look like a crime scene.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
