perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
