Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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