I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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