BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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