so that wasnt chicken after all
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
is wine microwaveable?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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