Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The uberlube is also flammable
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
