she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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