I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
