Cold hands, warm shart.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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