new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
