Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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