Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I stole a fireplace last night.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
