I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you didnt know i had herpes?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
