A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
