last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
