Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
It's official drugs can't kill me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We smell like vodka and hangover
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
