Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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