So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
