It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
