Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize