I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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