Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
