letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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