I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
send nudes
from the living room?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
