Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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