So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
