Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
