he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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