remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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