I cut my penus on the lid.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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