I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
